Beware the Bagel Police
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Where I work you have to keep a keen eye out for the Bagel Police on Fridays. See, Wednesdays are bagel days. The company has a big batch of bagels (say that three times fast) delivered for everyone, so I don’t have to worry about bringing my breakfast. Then there’s the Friday Bagel Club. You have to pay to join and each week a different club member will arrange for the bagel delivery.
I don’t bring my breakfast on Fridays either.
Here’s my game: I wait until 9am on Friday and take a peek in the cafeteria after all the club members have had a chance to claim their bagels, then I grab one of the left-overs. I’m not the only one, there are quite a few of us who act as clean-up crew for the Friday Bagel Club. Hey, I don’t want to see a perfectly good bagel go to waste!
Enter the Bagel Police!
One day an official Bagel Club Member caught me taking a left-over bagel and said, “You know, those are for the Bagel Club Members.”
I said, “I know. I’m just rescuing this bagel from certain doom. No one has claimed it and it will likely get tossed in the trash with the other three bagels here.”
Then he tried his pitch to get me to join the bagel club, and I could sense he was trying to make me feel guilty for rescuing this orphaned bagel. He circled the table, stepped up beside me, “You know, you could sign up for the bagel club, this way you wouldn’t have to sneak around here and take someone else’s bagel. It doesn’t cost much.”
“I’m not sneaking.” I replied, “and why would I want to pay for something that I can get if I just wait a little bit?”
“But it’s not guaranteed. One day there may be no bagels left for you and you’ll go hungry until lunchtime.”
With a THUNK I chopped through the bagel with the slicing device, the blade cutting through like a guillotine. “I’ll take my chances.” I said.
He walked away.
So I’ve learned to be patient and leave sufficient time for true “Club Members” to claim their bagels, then I move in, often joined by other anti-bagel-club rebels.
If I get there early enough I get a decent pick, otherwise I’m left poking through the crumbs to see if I might get at least a good half bagel. Remember I didn’t bring my breakfast, expecting to benefit from the bagel club bagels, so I’ll take whatever I can get. Sure beats the over-priced coffee cakes in the vending machine.
If I’m lucky I might find a little bit of cream cheese left in the bottom of the tub. Just an added bonus for a clandestine bagel lover such as I.
