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When I was little I remember running into my parents' room at night crying those very words. I guess it was the darkness and the quiet; nothing else to do but think about things while I was waiting to fall asleep.
At that early age I didn't have much to think about. No influences of note, no inspirations or experiences to speak of. All I had to ponder were the facts: I was alive, and I knew that someday I wouldn't be. What a cruel trick to play on an unsuspecting child. What was God thinking?
I mean, let's face it, we didn't ask to be put here. But here we are, and we have to figure out how to pack as much stuff into our lives as we can before we check out. Oh, and I forgot about the need for money which requires the eight-hour-a-day job which leaves very little time during the week to actually do anything else except go home, make dinner and concentrate on other things that need to be done before getting back to what it means to be alive. And by that time it's too late for anything and past our bedtime.
When I was a child — lying awake in bed worrying about dying — I bet I could have thought of a hundred different ways we could all be happy on Earth without money, without hate and without crime. Because my concept was fairly simple; even at that young age I realized life was short. After all, I annoyed my Mom to no end being afraid of the ultimate curtain drop on my fresh little life. I knew that death was counting down the days, and knew it was just not fair.
After spending many years in the rat race watching friends lose their young lives before they could find out who they are, now I realize it's even more unfair.
Here we are, thinking, living, breathing creatures under the sun and stars. We're winding our way through our lives, some of us not knowing where we're going, and all of us not knowing where we'll be after our final day. Scary thought.
You can get religious and say, "Oh yes, well, if you believe then you're going to Heaven!" What if the idea of Heaven is just man's way of dealing with the fear of dying?
Am I losing my religion? I don't know.
Arthur C. Clarke is quoted as saying, "Religion is the most malevolent of all mind viruses." He also said, "It may be that our role on this planet is not to worship God, but to create him."
I think about things. When you think about things you question things. When you question things you don't always get answers but you do learn.
I don't wake up crying about being afraid to die anymore, but I do wonder... What is on the other side? One day we'll all find out for ourselves, but I don't think I'm quite that interested in knowing just yet.
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